Waiting...

For me, waiting is so difficult.  Unless, of course, I'm waiting on myself!  (Which I do quite often!)  Right now I'm waiting on God. 

Our family moved to Texas from Arkansas eight years ago.  We need to get home.  Our parents need our help.  My mom has Alzheimer's.  That disease is the worst.  I am no longer my mother's daughter.  No more calling her for advice, or recipes, or chatting like we have for years.  The sadness is overwhelming.  She looks like my mother physically - but emotionally she is becoming less and less accessible.  The reality is heavy.  My entire body is sagging, not just my heart.  She knows what is happening and that makes me sad too.  This is the path that has been chosen for us and we will walk it, experiencing every step and continuing heartbreak.  My dad is in denial, where it's safe for the moment.  That too, is heartbreaking. 

Why the waiting?  Our house in Plano must sell.  It's been on the market since the first of March and with a realtor since mid July.  Not a good time to sell a house.  Not a good time to move.  I had visions of our home selling quickly - because we were moving home to honor our parents in this small way.  Originally we were to move to Tampa for my husband's job.  As time passed, we realized that being further away from our parents was just not going to work.  My husband's employer was so understanding about the need for us to be near our parents to assist and help with decisions.  Here we are all these months later with no prospects or hope that this move will happen soon.

Guilt - I feel guilty because we are here and not there.  Guilt comes easily for me - I was trained well!  These feelings are beginning to take a toll on me.  I am asking for God's grace and mercy for us while we wait.

Do you have aging parents?  Have you experienced the loss of one or both parents?  How do you deal with the loss?

The Land of Blog

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